I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
