She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
