uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize