Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
FUCK WHALES
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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