It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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