actually, I'm a sock model
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
