Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
