Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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