K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
