i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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