last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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