They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize