Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
