He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
