apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
