im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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