Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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