So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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