thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
