That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
