ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
