Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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