I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
