Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
