"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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