Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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