i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
