I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
