thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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