i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
