so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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