If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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