We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
