I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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