WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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