U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
