Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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