what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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