dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
