i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
