You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
