so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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