Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
