she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
