Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Still dying that you shit outside
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
