she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
