Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
