i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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