im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
