i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
