My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
