Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
