I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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