Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
