I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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