Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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