Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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