Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
