so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize