yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
