i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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