it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
