I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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