This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize