is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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